Reflection Post

I have truly enjoyed writing the journal posts. Not only is it a great release, it is an excellent way to improve flow and efficiency while writing. I have even noticed that the way I form sentences has improved and my typing speed and accuracy too. I have gone from having to peak at the keyboard to not looking at all; even with punctuation.
I think this is one of the greatest tools we have in this course. It forces you to stop what you are doing and just start writing, and the more you focus and just keep writing the more efficient you become.
I was so proud of some of my posts, others I felt like I could have done better on, or found a better topic, but the ones about family and friends were awesome. Being able to express my love for my family was so fulfilling.
The thing I think I have improved most on, is my ability to summarize a well formed sentence. I had a real problem getting to 'wordy' when describing certain things.
Posting to a blog is much like talking to a therapist, you are able to express yourself in your own way, and that is very special. I am still amazed at the difference in my writing, I can actually organize my thoughts as I am writing. This was something I struggled with greatly, and I do still have a small problem trying to keep thoughts in chronological order; however between this and the essays we've been writing the repition of organization is becoming a great asset.
The resources we have available are astounding, I would have never thought coming into this class that I would have learned so much and had so many tools at my fingertips.

Journal Post 07/20/2014

The news I received today, shook me to the core. The woman who helped raise my sister and myself has been diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer. She is not well and the prognosis is not positive.
This woman is inspiring, never in my life have I seen someone with more skill raising children. She taught my sister and myself how to read before we were even in school and she taught us how to unleash our creativity,
She has even taken up watching my son, and just the one on one time she spends with him, he is head over heels for her. He is such a smart boy and with her expertise, he just excels.
The past six or seven years, sweet Mika has been living her own personal hell. Her worthless daughter moved herself, her husband and her two children into her home. Not only that, her daughter expects her to raise the children, even though she is "disabled" and cannot work. The oldest, is a boy and is about 13 years old. He has serious mental issues, he is borderline psychotic and it breaks Mika's heart that even with her gift with children, she cannot reach this one. He is too far gone. The emotional abuse he took from his mother and all of her different boyfriends and this last husband before he divorced her as severely destroyed this childs life. I am afraid there is no reversing these issues. I am terrified that he will hurt Mika one of these days, I love her dearly and I will do anything in the world for her.

Journal Post 07/19/2014

Weekend is here again, that you good sweet Lord! I am taking my son to the drive in tonight, they are playing Planes II and Earth to Echo. Braden is so excited, he has been telling it to the kittens in the house. He is so funny. I don't know what I am going to do without him in a week. I won't have anymore classes until the fall and he will be with his Meemaw and cousin for the entire week of the 27th. He is also very excited about that.
I am worried about my Mom though, I feel like she is taking on way too much with the kids and her mother for the week. She will be traveling to and from the fair, Branson, movies, putt putt, the list goes on and on. She is superwoman though, she always has been. She preached a great message to us growing up, she was never crazy about housework. Not a chore nazi either, she later told me when I was older that if it was between doing laundry or taking us to do something fun, she would push the laundry aside and let us go play.

Journal Post 07/18/2014

My dad, he is an incredible man. He's an impressive stature, standing at six foot three, about three hundred pounds of muscle, minus the belly he has gained over the years. Never in my life did I not feel safe having Dad around. He was always there for me. As he has gotten older he has lost his patience. Which is really strange, I would think the patience would increase as he aged.
My son adores him, calls him Papa, which was such a special name, it is what my sister and I called our Grandpa (the only one we knew) He passes away when Braden was 2 months old. It was the most painful heart wrenching moment I have had in my life thus far. I remember running into the house when my sister called to tell me "Papa had a heart attack" and it's not good.
I ran into the door, passing Braden to my sister and the image I saw will forever be burned into my mind. My sweet Papa, laying on the floor with no color in his face, three EMS workers surrounded him, they were doing CPR feverishly and with precise perfect rhythm. My mom was sitting at his head holding his airway open. They were doing everything they could. It wasn't enough, I was balling. I screamed for them to keep going. Someone grabbed me, I still don't know who it was that embraced me but I collapsed. I don't remember anything but waking up on the couch. Praying what I had witnessed was just a dream. It was not, my grandpa passed away that evening and not a day goes by that I do not miss that man. He was the person in my family I am absolutely the closest to. I visit his grave when I can muster up the courage but I know he is not there. He is with Jesus, and I rejoice in the fact I WILL see him again and that he is watching over me and my family.

Journal Post 07/17/2014

I have a serious problem. I absolutely do not know how to keep my son from sneaking into my bed at night. It has truly put a damper on when my husband and I can be a "married couple." I absolutely cannot figure out how this started. From the moment he was a newborn until about eight months ago he slept by himself without question or a problem. It was a wonderful time that I reminisce about on many occasions. I really use to be able to lay him down in his crib at 7:30 PM or 8 PM, listen to him on the baby monitor and he would be asleep within ten minutes. Then twelve hours late he would wake up, bright eyed and busy tailed. Where have my days of restful nights, without an elbow or a knee in my back gone? I miss being able to roll over and not have my head yanked backwards because there is 40 pounds of little boy lying on my long hair. I have a theory, my Grandma, Braden's great Grandma, has been using an old scary story on all of us for at least 27 years. She used to tell us there was a "Fido" in her room to keep us out of there. Well I have come to find out, she has been telling my poor little son, the same horrifying stories. I have asked Braden several times why he comes into my bedroom at night and he says the same thing: "I was scared" I am hoping I have a solution to our almost one year problem, I have some kittens now and I am hoping they will fill the void of fear in my son's mind while he sleeps!

Journal Post 07/16/2014

The semester is almost over, this class and my computer class for the summer has been so crazy busy. It is a lot of work, but it is very much worth it. If I ever get discouraged I think about my son. He is in every way my rock. The reason I get up in the morning and at the same time, the reason I collapse I am so sleepy at night. I wouldn't have it any other way.
The day I had Braden is a day I will never forget for many reasons. The birth was horrific, I was petrified. I had been brought in the night before to start the induction and it was a blessing that I was. As Braden started to descend into my pelvis, he was cryshing his umbilical cord. His heart rate would slow to nearly a stop and the nurses would frantically reposition me until they got him back. One of the nurses ran outside the door to call for the doctor, and like a gift from God, she was already standing outside the door, about to walk in. She did a 10 second assessment of the situation and told the nurses to get me to OR STAT! It was time to go and the nurses worked feverishly. They had me in the OR within 2 minutes. I was sitting on the edge of the OR table slouched over, waiting for the Anesthesiologist to put in my spinal block, however it did not take. I was still moving my legs and was able to feel every little thing they were doing to me. We had ran out of time, it was time to do it and I grabbed my Mom's hand and looked at my doctor with tears in my eyes, and told her to save my son. I cannot explain what that blade felt like going across my skin, but it was the most intense pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. I good feel the ripping and tearing and they pulled the skin apart to retrieve Braden. I was screaming and the next thing I see is white lights and my daddy's face. They had put me out during the Cesarean Section and I was waking up in recovery, I was alive and more importantly my son was alive and he was perfect-still is.

Journal Post 07/15/2014

I wanted to talk about my mother in this blog post. She is an incredible woman, you will never in your life find a person who loves animals as much as her. If you have ever cried during commercial about the ASPCA, my mother has almost fallen in the floor balling. She currently has a variance shelter license. On her seven acres, she has over 30 dogs and 35 cats. They are all happy and healthy. Each animal is individually given their shots, medicine and flea control. Not only all that, she makes her own dog food to go over the dry food. She leaves dry food out for each of them 24/7. I know she has to spend a fortune a year on all this stuff, but she wouldn't change a thing. She loves each of them individually and knows their favorite place for a belly scratch.
This woman is beyond words kind. I have seen her stop traffic on a busy main road in Springfield, because she was saving a puppy. That happened about ten years ago and she still has sweet little Baby.
Thinking of Baby's name, made me want to point out that each one of her dogs has a name that starts with a 'B.' This has been tradition for as long as I can remember.
This same woman, works harder than anyone I know. I don't think I have ever seen her take a sick day. She has been a registered nurse for 30 years, and if you ever wanted a nurse in a bad time, she is the one you want. She is compassionate, caring and absolutely brilliant. She is currently the Director of Ambulatory Services at one of the main hospitals. She is an inspiration to me and to anyone who crosses her path.

Journal Post 07/14/2014

Sunday is here again, I have returned from my typical bi-weekly errands trip. I am a frugal shopper, price matching is what I do best. I am very interested in the coupon craze  but absolutely cannot wrap my mind around it. I am unsure as to why, or if it is just that I am resistant to learn.
I saw something in Walmart today that absolutely warmed my heart. A little boy with down syndrome was with his mom, or some female guardian. I am unsure of how old he was but he was an absolute doll. He was sweet too, all he wanted to do was love on his mom.
I always find myself worrying about these children while I am out somewhere. I am worried that they will be made fun of, or if they have a physical disability like my son, I am worried that they will fall or cry and it would just devastate me. I guess even four years later I still have some hormones running through me. Mom hormones, momones.
I suppose it is a good thing to have, but other times it hinders me. If I am watching the news at work and something comes on about a young child and it is sad, tragic or infuriating I almost always break down in tears. It's as if I can feel the ones who loved the baby’s pain. I hope that I never lose that type of compassion, however I also hope that it doesn’t get so bad that I have to stop watching the news in fear of seeing something like this.

Journal Post 07/13/2014

I am so tired, but I cannot sleep. I think because it is a Saturday night, and I do not have to work in the morning I am either re-energized or I cannot shut my mind off. I hate it when my mind races so much that I can't concentrate on what should be one of the easiest tasks in the world. Why is sleeping such a challenge?
I figured for this blog post I would write as my mind wandered. Letting the thoughts do the writing for me.
I have to get the laundry done tomorrow, Braden's blanket and pillow need to be washed before he heads to daycare on Monday. David is snoring so incredibly loud I think my dog left the room just so he could get some rest too, as now he is laying on the couch next to me. Poor Boots. The kittens are restless, why do cats have to come alive at nighttime? Is this something that is just bred into them. A trait passed down for many thousands of years. Their big cat cousins  that live in the jungles sure do come alive at night. For some reason that is the first thing that comes to my mind when I walk outside at night, our house is so vastly surrounded by nothing but forest, it's almost a little nerve racking to think there could be eyes on you, as I walk to my car or step out for a quick indulgence of a cigarette. I feel like that is what I should be doing now, instead of writing, but I push through the urge. It is time that I gave up the habit. I gave it up for the entire nine months of my pregnancy with Braden and while he was breast fed, but temptation got the best of me after that time. I absolutely cannot stand to see women who are pregnant drinking or smoking. It is absolutely disgusting to me, how could you have such disregard for a human life you are growing. I hate to end on that note but I have frustrated myself thinking about the poor excuses for human life that roam this earth, stealing all of our air.

Journal Post 07/12/2014

It is finally the weekend, but a sad one. A family member passed away and although we were not close. It is always so sad to see the family who was and their mourning. I have always been so sensitive to other people's pain or even happiness. I see tears and I usually am crying with them. I think that is why my patients feel so comfortable with me. The absolute finest moments of my job are when patients get off our table after having a procedure done and they break down in tears because they are finally pain free. That's a moment I live and cry in. These poor people (who are usually elderly) have lived years and years without ever knowing this kind of alternative treatment exists, and when that pain finally comes to an end it is absolutely overwhelming for them. They couldn't remember the last time they were able to roll out of bed without excruciating pain. It is truly a transformation and it is not just physical, it is also emotional and I can't help but share that emotional journey with them. I usually end our session in the room with a tear filled hug and my heart is full. I just wish that every patient would have that same result. Some people's disease is so far progressed the injections the doctors do just don't touch the sever pain these people are living with, sometimes surgery is the only option and other times in that situation there is just nothing anyone can do but try to control the pain with medication. Of course this is no real quality of life, but it does help these people live the rest of their days, whether that is long or short amount of time, without the severe pain that is so bad they don't want to live.

Journal Post 07/11/2014

This day feels as if it may never end! How many days have I had in life like this one, I feel as though I am wishing away all of my days; and yet I nearly cry to think of how fast my son is growing. I wish he would stop, so he could be my little baby for the rest of time. It is a bittersweet moment for any mother to see their children grow up. You miss the way they depend on you for everything, yet you grow so proud of the individuals they become. I am very nervous for him to start school, because of his short leg and prosthetic brace, I hope that the other children will refrain from making fun of him. I don't know that my heart could take it. I already kid angry inside when parents stare relentlessly at his leg while we are in grocery stores. Some days I tolerate it better than others. My poor husband however is so protective of his family and when people can't resist being blatantly rude, he lets them know about it. I smile on the inside to see him take such a loving place for my son. He didn't have to take Braden in 4 years ago, but he did without question. If every woman had a man like my husband, there would be no divorces. Everyone would be married to their soul mate. I love this man so very much. He works so hard and is such an inspiration. I am a very lucky wife and mother.

Journal Post 07/10/2014

What if there was no pain in the world? I ask myself these questions all too often. I wonder why God created pain? Is it to remind us of the gifts we have, I just don't know. What I do know is that there are so many different forms of pain, it is almost unrealistic. The pain that some people feel on a daily basis just breaks my heart. I wouldn't wish chronic pain on my worst enemy...OK well maybe my absolute worst enemy. In general however it is such a tragedy for someone to suffer on a daily basis with some sort of pain interrupting their days. We see a lot of patients at work who have some type of physical pain, but living with their unbearable pain causes them emotional pain. They have no idea how they are suppose to cope with their constant debilitating pain. Who could blame them? Can you imagine not being able to walk to your own mailbox because you had so much pain in your back and legs taking the ten steps is literally physically impossible? To rely on someone else for every little thing in life you use to do without batting an eye. It doesn't matter your age any type of pain is not fun, but I ask people to look at the glass half full, because it could always be worse. I have seen the worse and it is heart breaking. These individuals don't want to live anymore. They want to throw in the towel.

Journal Post 07/09/2014

What a terrible scare we had today. My son was playing in the yard and I was closely watching. Out of the corner of my peripheral vision I see something moving towards Braden. I quickly look over to focus my eyes on the object and realize I am staring at a small copperhead. Copperhead snakes are extremely venomous and popular in this area. Typically copperheads will not advance towards people unless they feel threatened or trapped. I don’t think his intention was to harm my son, but I wasn’t about to risk it. I grabbed my gardening spear and ran to the snake. My heart nearly exploded when the snake struck at me but it quickly turned and rerouted back towards the woods. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to get close enough to throw the spear at the snake. In my own fear that I would miss and irritate him further, so I retreated to Braden and scooped him up. I took him inside and interrogated him to make sure he had not been bit. Although I was almost certain he had not, the thought was still so real in my mind that if I hadn’t been watching the outcome could have been very grim. I don’t know what I would do without my son. I have asked myself that question a thousand times, just out of sheer fear of anything ever happening to him. I don’t know that I could live know it would be forever without him.

Journal Post 07/08/2014

This will be my frustration journal. I am so tired of working amongst a group of people who work harder to not work than to just work at all. I am absolutely sick and tired of my boss dumping every possible assignment on me and then reprimanding me because I have one hour of overtime. Things used to be different here, I used to love every single day I was able to come to work. Then my manager changed. At first I was excited because as much as I loved my boss, I thought it was time for a change. This new boss seemed like she had all her ducks in a row and was a bulldog for her team, and she is, but I never in my life have witnessed someone so two-faced in all my time working. This woman does not know how to delegate fairly, nor does she want to. I am her pawn in the game of life and she is absolutely ok with that. However I am not, I know I am in school to better myself, but right now my biggest motivation is to get out of the department I once loved so very much. I remember when I started here, there was a lot of work to be done and we were very much understaffed. I didn’t mind, in the blink of an eye I would work 16 hours to ensure that all the work was done for the following day. All I have left now of those days are memories. I hope one day, I can find another position much like the one I loved so very much six years ago.

Journal Post 07/07/2014

I am going to share something today that is somewhat disturbing and bothersome, but I want to express that I am not trying to offend anyone; I would just like to share a personal healthcare experience that happened. At the pain center, we see all sorts of people. Pain does not discriminate and neither do we. Well we have a particular male patient that openly admitted at his first visit that he is very excited by masturbating amongst crowds of people. Whether it is in a public place, grocery stores, gas stations, etc.; well, we did not ask for this information, nor were we interested in hearing about it. This bothers me because it is an act of sexual misconduct even talking to someone about that, who has not asked. He is telling us these things because it excites him to express it. The biggest problem I had is what he did in our bathroom, and what he blatantly left there for all of us to see. That is disgusting, rude and unacceptable, and that is exactly what I told him when dismissing him as a patient. I do not understand what possess people to act out in such a way. I think back on all my years in healthcare and cannot find a more disturbing incidence. The closest I could come to was thinking back about 6 years ago to a female patient that would tell us she had to see a Gastroenterologist because she was swallowing too much sperm. I mean, seriously, how disgusting do you have to be to be proud of that and share it with anyone without batting an eye? It is disturbing. Truly makes me wonder how many of these deviants live amongst us.

Journal Post 07/06/2014

Today is a day the Lord has made, and I will rejoice in it! What a gorgeous day it is; I love Summer months. Being able to spend time outdoors, getting in touch with nature and family is an experience I will always want to have. Watching Braden swing on his play set, while I pick weeds out of my flower bed is what I call an awesome day. Not thinking about work, school, or financial situation. Living only in the moment and loving every second of it. Writing in this journal gives me perspective, I am able to reflect on days past and days present and show myself a little reminder of how wonderful life truly is. I can’t help but think of others who have so little. It is painful to think there are people out there, without a home, a family or any belongings to call their own. Not even a toothbrush! Thinking about these things today as brought me to a conclusion, I would like to start volunteering when I can. I don’t have money to spare but on rare occasions I do have time, and some organizations need all the help they can get. I hope to show my son what the true meaning of life is. We are put here for a greater reason than our tendency in selfishness. I hope to inspire friends to help and to lend a hand where a hand is all that is needed. If we don’t help each other, who will?

Journal Post 07/05/2014

Well my Independence Day round number two begins this evening. This is only secondary to a very special occasion. Today is my Grandmother’s 74th birthday! What an inspiration this woman is. She was the oldest of seven siblings and she raised all of them alongside her mother, who for the most part was too busy taking care of homemaker chores and farm chores to pay much mind to the children. Their father did the best he could; he worked several jobs to support all eight children, but was rarely physically there for them. My Grandmother, despite all odds was able to continue her education past high school and at the age of 40 became a real estate agent. Her and my grandfather built their own little real-estate agency and they were modestly successful. Their kindness and generosity became their downfall, loaning money to friends and family in need. Reaching out to anyone who asked for help; the most devastating came from a gentleman who begged my grandparents to contract him for a large job of building a house. A significantly large amount of money was given to this individual to start the job and within two weeks and having no work done that money was lost. This man had blown every last dime he was given on gambling and then committed suicide. My grandparents ate every bit of the loss; it was a tragedy for all involved. All I ever heard them say about the ordeal was that they were so sorry for the family who lost someone dear to their hearts. That is a prime example of the way my grandparents live and lived their lives. My Grandpa passed away May 17th, 2010; it has been so hard on Nanny but she is so strong. She lives every day like it is a blessing. I hope to have her strength as I age and progress through life.

Journal Post 07/04/2014

Happy Independence Day everyone! What a beautiful day it was too; we had such a great time in Battlefield, Missouri. The firework show was wonderful and the kids, of course, had the most fun of all. Sparklers and smoke bombs filled the air with sulfuric fumes, but no one cared, after all it is the 4th! There was one incident that I have to mention, the neighbors that live across the street from my brother-in-law and his family had an absolute fit because one of the kids at our party shot off a bottle rocket and the stick happened to land on the neighbor’s roof, then rolled off and landed in their yard. Wow, I have never seen tempers run so hot and so quickly. The fight of words was on, and they weren’t shy about which ones they wanted to use. I was mortified as my four year old son was with me at the road line where we had been setting off small smoke bombs and sparklers. After about the fifth MF-Bombs from the neighbors, I was done and covered Braden’s ears and headed inside with him until I could no longer hear screaming. Something that bothered me very much about the little temper flare was the complete disregard for the children in the area. You can’t spew obscenities and violence with little ears present. The worst offender was actually dragging a small child across the lawn towards all of us, around the age of 1, maybe 2 years old, all the while she was screaming at the tops of her lungs at my brother-in-law with every word in the book. It saddened my heart because this child did not even seem fazed. It seemed like she was used to this behavior, as in an opposite world from theirs, my son was almost in tears just catching the start of the altercation because he has never truly witnessed any sort of behavior like this and he was afraid.

Journal Post 07/03/2014

It is the day before Independence Day, and even though it is Thursday, courtesy the 4th landing on a Friday this year I will have a three day weekend. My son is so incredibly excited; we get to watch fireworks in Battlefield tomorrow. However I believe he is more excited about seeing his Aunt, Uncle and cousins at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. I am hoping it will be a small affair, but knowing my social butterfly sister-in-law she will have everyone and their brother’s mother attending. Many an adult drink will be passed and as usual I will pass. I have often wondered if they think I am “lame” since I don’t drink. My only particular vice comes from nicotine, and no one else in the family smokes…cigarettes anyway. Which is something else I am sure they think is bizarre, but my husband and I are the black sheep of both families, but they love us anyway. Anyway I learned something neat today in regards to how fireworks are made that I wanted to share with everyone: An aerial firework is normally formed as a shell that consists of four parts: • Container - Usually pasted paper and string formed into a cylinder • Stars - Spheres, cubes or cylinders of a sparkler-like composition • Bursting charge - Firecracker-like charge at the center of the shell • Fuse - Provides a time delay so the shell explodes at the right altitude How the colors occur: Metals used in fireworks today include aluminum, titanium, beryllium, barium, copper, potassium and more. Here's a look at the metals used to produce a specific color: • Red --Strontium and lithium • Orange --Calcium • Yellow -- Sodium • Green -- Barium • Blue -- Copper • Violet -- Potassium and rubidium • Gold -- Charcoal, iron or lampblack • White -- Titanium, aluminum, beryllium or magnesium powders

Journal Post 07/02/2014

PowerPoint Presentations today in my computer class. I have heard so many people talking about how incredibly anxious they are to speak publicly. I used to have that same phobia, when I was younger I would have rather pulled my hair out of my scalp than to speak in front of a crowd. However ever since I took a job at the Pain Management Center I have had absolutely no issue speaking in front of people. OK, actually I need to back up one year previous. I was working in the Endoscopy Lab inside Cox South, I was approached by my then manager, who I was not particularly fond of but was intrigued by what came out of her mouth. She asked if I wanted to be a part of the “Super Colon” expo that was taking place at the Battlefield Mall. This was about six or seven years ago. I was hesitant at first but nonetheless still intrigued. It would be an overtime paid work day and I wouldn’t have to step a single foot in one of our Endoscopy suites, where there is nothing but gassy behinds and gagging upper GI scopes. So needless to say I agreed. I spent eight hours that day talking to complete strangers about this walk-through segment of a colon and what all the parts were as well as what types of diseases can affect the colon and why it was so important to have a Colonoscopy either when you turn 50 or earlier if colon cancer runs in your family. Ever since that day I have not had a single problem addressing large groups of people. If that would have been the promise of every day of work in the Endoscopy unit I would still be there today, but as soon as I had the opportunity to get out, I was gone!

Journal Post 07/01/2014

    Unfortunately this is a terrible day; I am so disgusted I can hardly think. We had a patient this morning in our clinic walk up to the admission desk and make a comment to another patient who happened to be battling cancer this:, "you cancer people don't know how lucky you is, I can never get my hair to do what I want, I might just do it up like yours and shave my head...I guess you have cancer right?!" The poor lady (who had cancer) was so classy, rather than winding up and punching that lady in the face, she just sweetly smiled and went about her business without addressing her verbal abuser. Later I had to ask her how she kept her composure; she simply said this, "honey you can't fix stupid, her ignorance has to be worse than my cancer." What a statement that was. She was so calm, it absolutely amazed me, it made me think about the things that upset me on a daily basis that are not actually problems and I need to take a step back and praise God for how lucky I am. For goodness sake, I am healthy, I have a beautiful family, a stable job, a roof over my head and I am able to keep my families bellies full. Things that I take for granite every day and I should be so ashamed for doing so. I thought about what I might have done had I been in the sweet lady’s position today and someone had  said something so offensive and rude to me; I can assure anyone reading this that I would not have had the same composure, but what would I have gained from this? The answer is nothing, maybe a sore fist, but the ignorant woman would still be ignorant and she will undoubtedly say something rude to another person on another day. I can only pray for her and learn from her.

Journal Post 06/30/2014

Crime, it’s all around us, the news stations love it. It occurs on a daily basis and whether we like it or not our days are usually impacted by it in one way or another. We might see a clip on the news about an armed robbery during our pre-work rituals or a break at lunch taken looking at SpringfieldMugShots.com to see if anyone from high school or a family member is in the tank. It is absolutely everywhere. My question is; can we do anything about it? It may just be me or the boom of social media letting everyone know about what all is going on in the world but I feel like crime is increasing. It is scary to think that our children are being pushed into this ever changing world of hate and violence. Where school shootings are just as horrific to hear about, but not as shell shocking as they once were. What is happening? Is it the video games, the movies? Is it bad parenting or drugs? No one can say for sure. There are studies everywhere blaming one of the things I listed above but nothing solid. So how can we battle a problem if we don’t know the cause is? We can’t, right? Wrong. Or at least I think so; we have been given some amazing tools in our lifetimes. Social media is becoming more than just a gossip zone, it is making people aware. It gives officers clues and in some incidences it has brought criminals to their appropriate punishments. We have to be proactive as citizens and parents. We have to use our voices and the tools in front of us. Otherwise we join the sheep in the stadium and watch helplessly, and one of these days we may not have the luxury of being sheep, instead we will be involved and we will surely wish our peers are doing the same for us.

Journal Post 06-29-2014

Braden’s Surgery: Sunday's are such gratifying days, filled with fun, outdoor activities and catching up on the things that weren't done before now. My son Braden, who is four, is the reason I get up in the morning. He is just a beam of light wherever he is and with whomever. I have always thought to myself, I probably shouldn't try for a second child because there is absolutely no way I could get this lucky twice. He was the perfect baby and the pattern has continued. As a newborn, he never cried. I was always amazed when I would wake up in the middle of the night to feed him and he would just be staring at me, trying to figure out who in the world I was and what I was doing and after I would feed him he would drift soundly back to sleep. This continued until he was about 4 months old, then he found his lungs, even with the new want to cry he was still perfect. Braden was born with a congenital disorder called PFFD, or Proximal Focal Femoral Deficiency. It has never been confirmed but I believe completely that it was caused by being under constant radiation of my job and not being as safe as I should have been with my lead apron. I didn't realize I was pregnant until almost six weeks into the pregnancy and had I known before I would have protected myself and my son more appropriately. It took me a very long time to forgive myself. In my own eyes I was the one who caused him this disability, something he would have to endure multiple surgeries over in the future. We are one surgery down and this child is a walking miracle. He underwent a seven hour hip surgery, referred to by his surgeon as a "Super-Hip" he did amazing. I can't even imagine the terror I would have had as a four year old going under the knife. Braden rarely complained and when he did, I always knew his pain was severe, the angel only cried twice over the entire three month recovery.

Journal Post 06-28-2014

Well, still no full nights sleep, but I am here at the library typing up this post. It is frustrating, I should be at home playing with my son and working on the lawn. Fortunately my super wonderful husband takes care of almost everything, including the cleaning of our house. I can't help but count my blessings, he is so incredibly wonderful and I don't know what I would do without his love and support. I don't know of any man out there that works harder than David. He usually has 16 hour days as a carpenter. Always in the middle of the weather, rain, snow, heat, etc. He just never complains. I am a lucky woman, no doubt about that!

I am hoping to be done with this homework within the hour. Why can’t work weeks be from Mon-Tuesday and the weekend be Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday? That seems more fair. I mean I would still only work eight hour days I would just like to be paid for a forty hour work week. I suppose that will never happen. I guess I will just enjoy the weekend I have and make the two tiny days count. I am already thinking about next weekend, it will be one of those "great white buffalo" weekends where I actually get three days off instead of just two. I may dedicate one of those days specifically to sleeping. I can feel my eyes getting heavy even as I am typing this, and it’s not like I have a newborn in the house, I have just absolutely lost the ability to shut my mind off at night. It’s terrible and exhausting, but it is something I have always had to deal with this in one way or another. I think I am going to head to the store now and buy some melatonin. Until tomorrow my friends.